Date: Fri Feb 4, 2000 12:45 pm

Subject: Thoughts

My thoughts were much worse than yours and were often suicidal/homicidal. They will stop and dont let anyone tell you they are hopeless. Hopelessness fuels the adrenalin pump because you are giving you brain safety alerts. Instead of saying to yourself oh my god what if...what if the curtains talk to me, say comical things like I've always wanted to hear what a curtain thought!!! You have to get the booga, booga out of the thoughts.

If you cant stop them with cognitive changes then WALK. Anytime you feel like you are getting off center get outside and walk. I lived in an area that was over 6,000' and our winters were below zero. Still I walked even in the pitch black in the middle of the night by myself and at times for hours on end. Walking is a primitive, repetitive motion that helps break the obsessions. While walking describe the surroundings as if you were relating them to your blind child...in great detail.

The original meaning of worry is what a dog does when he violently shakes a rag or prey in his mouth. The worries are having a good shake with you. I going to be back here in three weeks and I want to see worn tennies and better spirits. Take care Rik