From: alswinger@webtv.net

Date: Wed Jan 1, 2003 10:21 am

Subject: 2nd anniversary

On Dec. 27th I was two years free (sort of) from benzos. I am still

recovering but I'm doing much better. I can sleep at least a few hours

most nights. The panic attacks are not as overwhelming. The pain that

tore through my body has decreased greatly. You really can recover from

benzo addiction.

I say that I am sort of free because a year ago a doctor convined me to

take Ambien to help me sleep. I knew that Ambien works a lot like a

benzo but I was desperate for sleep. I paid dearly for that experiment

and there was a time in March that I didn't sleep for three nights. If

you're not sleeping and a doctor offers you sleeping pills don't take

them! They won't help you! That set me back a good six months. I've

had some luck with Doxepin but even that didn't work when my withdrawal

was at it's worst. You won't die from lack of sleep although you might

wish for death.

The last chapter in my struggle has not yet been written. I'm still

dealing with OCD (that's what got me on the drugs in the first place)

and it could take me down. My ex-shrink finally admitted that drugs

could not control my OCD. How about that? It only took eleven years to

figure that out and Eli Lilly and other pharmaceutical companies

profited from my misery. I am not pleased by this at all.

Well, I hope that this gives some of you hope. Stop believing that

drugs and doctors can help you because they can't. Eat a good diet,

drink a lot of water, and get to know God if you don't already know him.

Pray a lot. That's my best advice.

Sincerely,
Aaron

(12 years on lorazepam and a lot of other stuff)