From: "lezerbee" <bumblebee@p...>

Date: Wed Aug 21, 2002 5:20 pm

Subject: Howdy gang, remember me?????

Until a few months ago, I was a regular around these parts. A couple of years ago, this group kept me from killing myself. Then back in February I was diagnosed with a severe spine condition, had surgery, never quite recovered, and I've been laying low. But now I'M BAAAACCCCK!!!!

For anybody who wasn't around when I was, here's the skinny: I took one benzo after another for 20+ years and never heard the word 'addiction' once (not that I would have listened). Once I realized that I wasn't constantly in the throes of moods swings -- that it was WITHDRAWAL -- I decided to stop taking this crap.

First I tapered from 8mg of Xanax to 2mg, then I switched to 2mg of Xanax. Cut .25mg every month -- too much, too fast -- and finally took my last dose in November of 2000. Spent the next 6 months in hell while one doctor after another told me:

1) I needed this crap because I had a chemical imbalance. (What, my body was experiencing a poison shortage?????)

2) there was no such thing as benzo withdrawal (it was just my imagination), and 3) antidepressants could cure benzo withdrawal (... which didn't exist.)

Between us, gang, people suffering from withdrawal need antidepressants the way fish need bicycles. People often think I sound flippant about this experience, and maybe I didn't suffer that much. Don't believe it, I was so sick that I really didn't think I'd survive. I gave away a lot of my belongings because I figured I was dying and wouldn't need it. Just surviving this was a surprise -- feeling as good as I do now seems like a miracle.

Okay, so my last withdrawal symptom was sometime around Spring of last year, and how have I managed the panic attacks and anxiety without benzos? I HAVEN'T HAD ANY. And I've had lots of stress, more than my share. And pain ... lots of that too. But no more benzos, no more withdrawal, no more panic. You'll get through this. You don't have to take my word for this, but you're going to feel great one day. Better than you have in years.

Bumblebee