Date: Sun Sep 24, 2000 5:18 pm

Subject: If I can Recover...ALL Of You Can!!!

Dear xxxxx, and everyone in Benzoland,

I like Squiggs am going to be brief too. I have taken the time and have written you so much also. I am getting ready to go out, and wanted to take the time to write yet again. Last year I got off of at least 15 mg of Ativan.I am serious. ...I was getting 7.5 mg from one psychiatrist, and getting double prescriptions. This was just one Benzo I got off of, the others, as some of you know were Paxipan ( old time Benzo, rarely prescribed anymore) and Dalmane...getting double and triple prescriptions.. of those also. My brains were scrambled, but thank God I went into detox. Detox, saved my life. NO DOUPT about that.

I could not get off of this amount alone. I did a Valium substitution, in the hospital, under a Dr's care who knows about Benzo detox, and has been doing this for about 20 years.......and detoxed off of the majority of Benzo's in 1 month, and then a small amount of Klonopin, over another month...and I am grateful that I did it that fast, as each cut was PURE PURE torture, and I just wanted it over.....You say you cain't take detox, but look at the way you are living now. I don't want to sound harsh, but this was the only way I could have gotton off all those pills, that I got off of 1 year ago.I HAD to be in detox.... I needed to be in a controlled enviroment, with somebody else in control of the Benzo's other than me..(If I was in controul of my own detox...I never would have gotton off) ....I had gotton myself...in the jackpot...that I found myself in....

Yes, I was a mess during and after detox, but today I have my life back. I am working full time again as a Registered Nurse, and doing quite well I might add. I got my brain back. One year ago, I thought I never would. I kept asking people if I had suffered permanant brain damage, along with the question, of when would I sleep. I thank God for Geraldine starting Benzoland group, as I know that everything I was experencing would eventually get better, if I was strong and stuck it out. I have become a Benzo Warrior...I have gotton my life back, and that is a true blessing.

One year ago, I could hardly put sentences together. I am serious. My point is to all of you in Benzoland...if I can recover...all of you can...and I have been taking Benzo's for about 25 years....with the last 2 of them really abusing them. I was taking well over the lethal dose of benzo's, and I am lucky to be alive. I am not exagerating. Figuring out with double and triple prescriptions, I was taking well over 500 mg a day. I am serious. If I can recover, and get my life back, all of you can too. But nobody said it would be easy. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, including getting my Registered Nurses licence.

For me, I had to make the decesion, that I wanted to live more than I wanted to die, and I was willing to go through whatever I had to in order to get better. I want to thank April, and evryone who have written to me personally and congradulated me on my one year, Benzofree... I am sorry but with everything that I am doing now, I just don't have the time to respond individually as I would really like. So thanks everyone. And April, no I cain't wear it as a necklace! Just seeing my name on this key tag....and my date that I was finally pillfree...I just started crying at the pills meeting, when I was telling everyone, what I had gone through this past year....as the road, was long and hard.

Sherri, the existance you are describing, ANYTHING sounds like an improvement. If I can get off of the amount of Ativan, I was on...and get my brain back, you can, and all of you in Benzoland can. Now I have to get ready for my date. He needs me too. Love to all of you in Benzoland. All of you hang tough.

Love,

Blondie.