Date: Sun Jan 7, 2001 1:14 pm

Subject: NEW YEAR == NEW BEGINGINGS !!!

Hi Everyone in Benzoland !! It has been some time since I have written...and this is a LONG post...as I get carried away...on this life and death subject..of taking Benzo's....But even though I have been really busy with work..( I am a Registered Nurse...and have gone back to work...this past September ...and am working fulltime) .

I have been following posts, and I feel that I need to write Denis, and all of the Benzoland groups today....with a message of hope for this New year....2001 A Space Odyssey.... As I always speak my mind..( You know that I do don't you ???) ..I have to say that Ray Nimmo...is a asset to this group, and shouldn't resign. That is my two cents worth so to speak. It would be impossible to determine how many lives his Web-site has helped. Not only his Web-site...but he has personally helped countless people in this Benzoland group.

I really feel all differences should be put aside in this group...and ALL of us ...NEED to work....for the common good.......and that is to help people become Benzofree.....and DRUG-FREE. Becoming Benzofree...and Drugfree....That IS the primary purpose of this group.....is it not ??? .I ask you ??? ...and all of us...NEED to be reminded of that...and all of us...should work again...towards this common goal. I hope that I see this in the future...people helping people becoming Benzofree and not this bickering that I am seeing going on in this group.

Now......moving right along.....as I always do...don't you know !!! ..Happy New Year everyone in Benzoland !!! Benzofree...and my group....Benzowiseguys.... For those of you who do not know me.....I am the moderator.....and owner......of the Benzowiseguys group....to everyone...in all of the groups.....I am here to offer hope to all of you that if you become drugfree....your live's will get better beyond your wildest dreams, mine did.......Just for the record....since I see posts...on the usage of antidepressants...etc...I take nothing...but vitamins...and amino acids. I firmly believe in the usage of vitamins...and amino acids...to help you with the depression...and repairing the damage that the usage of benzo's has done to you nervous system...and brain. ......That's my two cents worth on that subject too.......I was severely depressed when I came of Benzo's.....and that is NORMAL...you just have to gut it out...and get through each day. ...

In the past I had been on every antidepressant...under the sun!!! God !!! even though...I am a Nurse....I HATE Dr's with a Passion !!! I especially HATE Psychiatrist's !!! God...I REALLY hate that sub-group of Dr's .....Like to really line that little group...up...and PAINT THE WALL WITH THEIR BRAINS !!! God...I would really like to do that..... Ray...Nimmo...do you like that saying ???? I thought so !!! .I thought I was depressed....I didn't know...it was the Benzo's that were causing the depression !!! WHAT A CONCEPT !!!!! and with the absense of them....I would get better !!! and not be depressed !!! Those MORANS....told me I needed anti-depresants.....Say It isn't So !!! PLEASE sombody...say it isn't so !!!

Realizing...that the Drugs...are CAUSING....your problems....like Peter Breggings...a DR...and my Hero...One of the FEW Dr's with a Brain.....who isn't in CAHOOTS...with the Drug companies.....and who believes...in No drugs....I BELIEVE IN NO DRUGS EITHER..I wanted to heal my body and my brain...naturally.....and I don't take any.....He wrote a Book....and the Title...is Your Drug...may be your Problem...What a Concept !!! Realizing...that the Benzo's themselves...are causing....the depression....That's half of the battle...and TIME....is the another half......Time heals all wounds...and it does with Benzo-withdrawal too. I honestedly was so depressed that I thought of suicide on a daily basis, when I was going through withdrawal. ..IM serious !! .and what got me through this...was knowing....that this post withdrawal depression...(and it is NORMAL...for Benzo's to CAUSE depression while you are taking them too !!!) ...was NORMAL...and if you just gut it out...and became a Benzo Warrior......like I have....as you have to fight this with all of your being.....you can get through this...and get to the other side..The Power is all within you !!! . .I did it...and so can all of you too.

And the not sleeping...that will pass too. This too...shall pass....and it does. You just have to remember that.....and like a roller-coaster ride...strap yourself...in...and hang on...it will be the hardest thing...that you ever do....But you CAN...do it.....if I have all of you can !!! ... The New Year means New Beginnings. If You can Dream it.....you can Achieve it....You can change this around...to say......If You Believe it....You can Achieve it....The POWER is all within you. It always has been.

Never, Never, Never give up on your Dreams. The Power to do everything...is all with in you, and it always has been. That is why I do love Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz....when she was told....that she had the POWER to go home any time that she wanted to....and the POWER to do that was with her all the time.....but she just didn't know it. I am sure that is the case with some of you....You go into this feeling weak...and hopeless...and powerless. Reach inside of yourselves and Tap into the POWER that I know is there. The POWER of God...lies with in all of us...but we must tap into it.....for it to manifest itself. Over a year ago......just like Dorothy...of the Wizard Of Oz.....I finally realized that I had the Power all of the time too....and before I realized this...I felt...Powerless.....but this is a Paradox.....it is by only by feeling ...your powerlessness..and not funning from it.....and surrendering to it.......that you indeed find the Power......and I reached inside of myself......to find this Power...I tapped right into it......and I did the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life...and that was becoming Drugfree.

I believe that God...lives with in each of us......and he will help us accomplish the impossible but only if we do not block him...We can Tap into God's Power...to do anything...that we choose.....But only if we will allow that help. I asked for God's help through out the day......to get me through this nightmare......to give me streghth...to get through each day....as I was so very sick......and indeed it was a night mare.......and I thanked him...at the end of the day...as I prayed...and told him...''''Thank you for getting me...through another day...and each day is one day less'''''' I really prayed this...each night....and I prayed through out the day...too...

When I went in the hospital...last July 3...to get off of over 500 mg of Benzo's a day...which I was obviously abusing. And I was honestedly on that amount...I figured...that out...after I became drug-free.....it a miracle...that I didn't not die....from taking this amount everyday. I made a decision....that I wasn't going to live like this any more...THIS is not living !!! This is not the way...God would want me to live !!! .and once I made that decision......that I wasn't going to live like that anymore......I surerrendered to my powerlessness....and I indeed...tapped into Gods power ...and strength....to get me through.

Once I made that decesion...last July 3, 1999......there was no looking back.....I went through what ever Hell...that I had to go through. .I had the Power within myself...to get me through anything.....and I was firmly commited to go though what ever I had to...to get well. What ever doesn't kill me...only makes me stronger.....and it did. I can do anything...I went through.....The not sleeping...the not eating...the pins and needles.....I don't want to be redundant....you all know the DRILL !!! ....

And as all of you know...getting off of Benzodiazipines... IS the hardest drug...to get off of...and the withdrawals last for Years. ...I think my blood pressure...is high...right now...as a result.....STILL !! ..God Still !!! ..of Benzo withdrawal...and I am looking into...NATURAL ways......to combat this......(so if any of you know...of some..to lower my blood pressure NATURALLY !!! ..I think Cayenne Pepper...is one...Let Me Know !!!) ... But if you Believe it....You can achieve it.....the POWER is all with in you. All of you can CHOOSE to have a GOOD day...or a bad day too......that is up to you too.....The mind is a very POWERFUL thing. If you believe that you can do something. ...you are almost there. You really are. You need to start saying .....I CAN DO THIS !!!! Not....I can't do this.....If you start off...believing you can't...you are doomed to fail. I can promise you that.....That is my experience...from having TRIED....to come of of Benzo's many many times.....before.....I love analogies...can't you tell ??? Cain't You ??? It's like TRYING...to get up...from sitting in a chair...either you do it....or you don't !!! That's my opinion....

Anyway...last July 3...1999....I made a decision....to finally GET A LIFE.....and went into a detox...hospital......which was a REAL INDEPENDENCE DAY...for me....The prison.....that I had been living in..( and it was a SMALL depressing cell !!) ..the door....suddenly became open..!!!! .. ( I like this anology too !) .Don't all of you know ......It takes ONLY one person...to CHANGE your life...and that person is YOU !!!! No one else can do it for you !!! Don't just TRY...or you are doomed to fail.....You CAN do it !!! I LOVE this saying by YODA::: DO OR DO NOT... THERE IS NO TRY..... Believe me...if I can get off ALL of the drugs...that I was on.....and be so very sick...that I could hardly function......and just lie in bed for months..on end...ALL of you can do this too. Last New Years....I still wasn't feeling well...and stayed home, (which I like to do anyway!!! but now it is my CHOICE !!!) and watched it on TV....

But this New Years.....a friend came down..to see me......and I had so much fun. ...We went EVERYWHERE!!! and I laughed so much !!! It is wonderful...to laugh again..and have fun !!! LIfe is full of so my joy...and fun...and I hope all of you can finally feel all of the joy that life has to offer. God wants us to experience joy and pleasure...otherwise he wouldn't have created the ability to experience this within us. We would be naturally depressed creatures......with the inability...to smile or laugh...and with the incapacity to experience joy and pleasure...this is my belief. I didn't laugh...when I was taking Benzo's......I was depressed ALL of the time.....I HAVE MY LIFE BACK !!! YEAH !!! and it is wonderful to enjoy everything...that life has to offer....and all of it's pleasures.

In the past......taking Benzo's nothing gave me pleasure...nothing at all....But now...I find REAL JOY.....and it feels great....and I thank God...that I can experience this. ....I feel like a child sometimes...(Well I am at heart !!) ...but I feel like a child.....discovering the wonder and pleasure in simple things......and I am happy most of the time.....(sometimes...I go overboard...with my laughter...and hyjinks...and that is probably...because...my life was SO void...of pleasure...joy...and laughter...while I was taking pills). ...I am working fulltime......now as Registered Nurse.....in Ambulatory Surgery.....sometimes MORE than Fulltime...and doing quite well, I might add.

While I was going through withdrawal.....I just managed to get through each...day.....I didn't know if I would ever be well enough to work again. But if you dream it...you can achieve it.....You need to tap into the Power with in you...and all things are possible.... You just need to get up everyday...and put one foot in front of the other...and be determined...to go through what ever pain ..(of withdrawal) to achieve your goals....it's that simple. Whatever doesn't kill...us only makes us stronger...I swear by that one too.

Denis.....I.have been reading...your posts to Benzoland group...and they have disturbed me. ...maybe they disturb me...as I used to feel like you have....but ALCOHOL...is a DRUG !!! It is a Central Nervous system depressant. Accompanied...by taking Benzodiazipines..(Which CAUSE Depression..in and of themselves) ....the result...is simply put....MORE depression!!! What a horrible way to live...drinking and taking pills. I KNOW this...as I used to think this was living too. But it is not living......it KILLS the SPRIT....inside of it...and cuts us off from God.

I have found a Happiness and Joy...that is beyond belief...and you want to know how that is possible ??? It is VERY simple...it is by living the right kind of life...one that you can be proud of. All of you can start today. I am VERY proud of the life that I live today. I do not regret the past.....I cannot change it......I can only learn and grow. The only thing I have is today...and I can make the best day possible for myself. ...I love this saying too...Yesterday...is History..(We cain't change the past) .Tomorrow...a Mystery..(We cain't forsee the future) ..all we have is Today...God's Gift...and that is why we call it the Present...... If I can do this....All of you can do it too.....it 's the New Year....and that Means New Beginnings...the Power is all with in you........don't just TRY.....YOU CAN DO IT !!!...

Each Day...is a NEW Beginning.....Happy New Year everyone....make a decision today...that you will go through ANY length to become Benzofree...and DO IT !!! DON't just TRY !!! You will have a life that you can be proud of......once you go through the pain of withdrawal....You can get your life back.....and you only have to do this once....Each day...comes but once...and make the MOST of each and everyday....tomorrow......may never come... Let 2001 ...A Space Odyssey....be the year...that all of you get your lives back....and not be in your self-created prison....anymore....Make a decision today...that you will make the most of each and everyday...and find the POWER with in you...to do what ever it tkaes to accomplish your goal !!!

You CAN do it !!! If you DREAM...it you can achieve it !!! You can do anything !!...Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz....she had the Ruby slippers on all of the time...she just didn't know it.....she had the POWER to go home.....any time that she wanted. All of you...have that POWER too All of you have the Power to achieve anything...that you want to do !! JUST DO IT !!!!! (Used to have this saying by my bed...when I was...going through withdrawal ) God...I just LOVE Nike's Sports....little saying...it is SO very appropriate for.....just anything at all....JUST DO IT !!! ...Happy 2001 Benzoland !! 2001 A Space Oddessey !!! The New Year == New Beginnings !! and I hope it is for all of you. I hope all of you have a new begining....as Phil Collins ..one of my favorites..says.....You are all with in my Heart...

Love....Blondie.