From: "Ray Nimmo" <ray.nimmo@n...>

Date: Mon Apr 16, 2001 4:01 pm

Subject: Bradley's Story

http://www.benzo.org.uk/bradley.htm

Earlier today Bradley, a new member of the group, sent me the following

story. I have already published it on my site and now, with his permission,

I send it for you all to read. I too had that anxiety disorder - the kind

induced by ignorant doctors and their mind-numbing drugs.

Ray

--------------------------------------

I had an anxiety disorder !!!

I was a police officer for 12 years but had to leave the job due to panic

attacks. The police doctor said that I had an "anxiety disorder" and put me

on Xanax. That was the worst mistake of my life!

I stayed on Xanax for the next 12 years while going to therapy to find out

why I had this "anxiety disorder". During these 12 years I tried, by myself,

to taper down and go off of the Xanax without any success. Each time that I

decreased the dosage I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I would run to

my doctor and tell him all my symptoms and he would say that I had this

"anxiety disorder" and that I "needed" the Xanax. He would instruct me to

increase the dosage and, sure enough, my symptoms would disappear. What he

never told me was that I was experiencing a severe withdrawal reaction and

not some "anxiety disorder". I never abused this drug or exceeded the dosage

but I did take it faithfully for 12 years.

My family noticed a gradual change in my personality. They noticed that I

didn't laugh anymore or show much emotion about anything. They said I would

just sit there like I was frozen. I felt I was a vegetable! I continued to

see therapists, thinking that one of them could cure me of this "anxiety

disorder", but I was only getting worse. I was barely leaving the house, and

when I did, someone had to be with me. I was so afraid and still suffered

from panic attacks, depression and paranoia.

Thank God that I met a Christian doctor, and after 2 years of therapy and

getting nowhere with me, he said that I would never improve until I got off

of the Xanax. I could not go on living like this anymore and somehow made it

into a rehab. They took me off "cold turkey" and put me on phenobarbital so

that I would not have a seizure. I then became allergic to the phenobarbital

so they put me on Klonopin and sent me home. After I stopped the Klonopin

ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! My wife called the rehab doctors for help but they

said that I would have to come to their office. I could barely walk, talk or

sleep, much less travel. So with the help of my wife I dug myself in at home

and stayed there for the next two years, waiting for these symptoms to

leave. I felt that all my doctors had abandoned me and I was totally on my

own. All I had or knew about withdrawal was what I read from a book by

Shirley Trickett called "Coming off Tranquilizers".

At first I thought that I was losing my mind and wanted to be committed but

I was too paranoid to leave the house. I kept my wife prisoner in her own

home pleading with her to stay with me and she did for the next 2 years. My

nerves screamed out at me from every part of my body. All I wanted to do was

die but was too afraid to kill myself. I cursed God, neighbors and family

members. I was in so much pain that I didn't care who heard me and screamed

out loud. I busted up furniture and threw chairs. I made holes in the walls

and floors. It wasn't fun for me or my family to watch. I cried for months.

The tears just wouldn't stop. While being sedated for 12 years I had never

dealt with anything and now everything that I had buried was coming to the

top. I weighed only 149 lbs and my family thought I wouldn't make it. They

pleaded for me to see a doctor but I refused, believing that more drugs were

not the answer if I was ever to recover. After 2 years I was able to leave

the house and I learned to drive all over again. Little by little I started

to get my life back.

This month I will have four years of being TOTALLY DRUG FREE! Most of my

troublesome symptoms have left. Mentally, I feel great. I exercise daily and

eat a very healthy diet. Physically, I still have nerve pain and get

fatigued once in a while, but I have confidence that this to will go away in

time. I am working again and have gone back to school to take computer

classes. Oh, by the way, I don't suffer from any more panic attacks or

depression. Looking back at my rehab I feel these doctors didn't know what

they were doing by taking me off "cold turkey". They also suggested that I

take anti-depressants and BuSpar which I refused. I felt that the only way

that I was going to make it was to NOT swallow any more pills but let my

body heal on its own. Thanks for letting me share my story.

Bradley

April, 2001

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