Date: Thu Oct 5, 2000 12:13 pm

Subject:

Hello Friends,

Setbacks , oh how well I remember those, going back to the first part of withdrawal every minute of every day was pure hell but in a way I got used to the horrors , I didn't like it,in fact it was terrifying and mentally and physically painful but after a while it becomes life and its hard to imagine a time before when I wasn't feeling that way. Then suddenly i had a small break and boy, was that strange and very confusing as although it felt so good to be free and feeling normal(even if it was just for a minute or two) it was also very confusing as I'd forgotten what normal was and was afraid it wouldn't last. Of course it didn't last and this is how withdrawal is so up and down and thats because nature and our nervous system and bodies do not heal in a straight line.

Setbacks are part of recovery and can be devestating if you have a long period of feeling better,I remember going 8 weeks feeling a lot better , I went out more , I socialised more, did more around the house, even laughed again then wham, for no reason at all every symptom came back as bad as in the beginning and I became very depressed convinced it was here to stay and that my life would never be any different but it is. Yes even now I'll still have the odd day or two when it comes back to remind me but they are thankfully getting fewer and when they do come they don't last as long and no longer frighten me as much.

My withdrawal has been very protracted but even my body/brain is beginning to repair even after 22 different types of mood altering drugs and cold turkey so please stick with it, its not easy and I wouldn't patronise you by saying that it is but its far better than spending the rest of our life on these bloody drugs. I'm trying to get a picture to rogue's gallery but I don't want to shock you all too much as at the moment I look like a beached whale with acne!! thats a legacy of weight gain and skin problems from antidepressants and benzos but that too will go and is far better than all the other symptoms. Take care and remember just because you have setbacks that does not mean you won't recover, to have had a setback you must have had a bit better time so look at it positively and hang on in there.

Love Carol.