Date: Wed Dec 8, 1999 7:02 am

Subject: My story, for the newer members...

Dear Group:

As I said, I am no longer receiving group emails for the time being, but Geraldine asked me to write a short note about my personal ordeal for the newer members, and I am of course happy to oblige. As I said earlier, even though I'm not receiving the group email, if anyone has any questions they would like to pose, or other concerns, they can email me personally at xxxx@h...

I was on 10mg per day of Klonipin for a period of 7 years, and I quit "cold turkey" on October 1, 1997. From the equivalency charts I've read, that's 200 mg of valium, for those that aren't familiar with Klonipin. I was given the medication in such a high dosage for seizures...which after being OFF the medication, I no longer have. I was also on Tegretol 200 mg 5x day, and tapered that over 9 months, and have been off that completely for about a year and a half. If it weren't for the Tegretol, I would have not been able to quit so much Klonipin without seizures, I'm sure. But, I would not recommend going ON Tegretol to quit benzos, it's a terrible drug in and of itself, with many side effects you DON'T want.

At any rate, my life on the Klonipin was a disaster. I had no life. No self esteem. I was unable to function as a productive member of society. The worst thing for me about the Klonipin was the way it totally took away my inhibitions. The inhibitions that make you say "wait, this isn't RIGHT", or "wait, this is dangerous." I had no relationship with my family, got divorced over the drug, and was becoming an alcoholic as well - very dangerous on that much Klonipin. I have no doubt that I would likely be dead by now if I had continued as I was. I quit alcohol at the same time as the Klonipin, and have never touched either one since.

I have been so amazingly blessed to make it through this... When I went off the Klonipin, I had very severe withdrawal symptoms, which you can imagine they would be. I had visual disturbances, swelling in my extremeties, jaw/ear problems, and difficulty passing urine and moving my bowels. Nothing seemed to work right. I was in a constant "hyper" state, and did not sleep well for months. Maybe 4 hours a night. Which the poor sleep exascerbates the other symptoms.

And, I knew nothing about "protracted withdrawal" until I was a year off the benzo. I knew it was from the benzos, and that my body was healing, because every week I was better than the last. Not immensely, but noticeably. I did not do any of this with the assistance of a doctor. Told the doctor about a year later, and he was amazed that I wasn't having seizures. By then I was off both the Klonipin and the Tegretol, and doing fine.

Well, I mainly want to say that it DOES all pass. I was on a horrific amount of Klonipin...and I am fully recovered. I had the "stares", the concentration problems...it all gets better with time. I was afraid to go out in public. Now, I function just like anyone else. And, the upside is I had panic attacks before this, but have not had one since. My panic attacks have cleared totally. And, my life today is great.

I have a very close relationship with my family, my ex husband and I are looking to remarrying, I have a great career, and would like to go back to college to finish my degree soon. I also went on a diet in my third month of withdrawal, lost 80 plus pounds, and am a size 3 now. I am so greatful to the Lord for the life I have now, when I think of where I was, and where I am now, I am filled with wonderment at His grace. Because...I know for a fact that I am not strong enough to have done this on my OWN! Was it worth all the pain of the withdrawal syndrome: YOU BET! Even the worst days of my withdrawal weren't as bad as that empty soulless feeling I had on Klonipin.

Will you get better and be writing a letter like this someday as well? I have no doubt you will. Not everyone heals in the same time frame, but everyone heals. For me, regaining my health has included:

- Most importantly, my faith in the Lord.

- Proper diet...I don't eat sugar, red meat, yeast, aspartame, and try to avoid most all processed foods as much as possible.

- Supplements: I am currently taking a maintenance dose of the parasite cleanse once a week; I take MSM and SAMe for my joints...which are significantly better - I think I really do have arthritis, unfortunately; when I feel dehydrated I use pedialyte, and that's about it now.

I would recommend the parasite cleanse if you're having jaw/ear problems, or bowel problems. I also take a multi vitamin. My recommendations as far as natural supplements for anyone going through this would include some sort of detox regimen...homeopathic or herbal. And, make sure you stay hydrated. It's important.

I hope hearing what I've been through can help you to realize that it's not a life sentence, but a path to a better life that you are on. Again, if anyone wishes to contact me, feel free at the carolapatterson@h... address.

You are all in my prayers each and every day.

Carol