From: MSCINDYS44@H...

Date: Sat Aug 4, 2001 11:03 pm

Subject: Life after benzo's

Hello fellow members,

Life has been busy so I haven't written in a while but I do read your posts from time to time. They usually break my heart and bring back memories of days gone by when I was suffering like many of you. God knows it wasn't easy. I am free now, have been for over 2 1/2 years. No docs, no drugs, no WD, no sickness, after a nightmare with valium that lasted almost 20 years. I intend to tell all for Rays site as soon as I get the time to tell it the way I need to. Right now however it is summer in Montana and it is beautiful. I intend to enjoy every minute I can!

Since my recovery,I have been feeling like one of the contestants on that show called Fear Factor and yesterday I faced another one......water slides!! Walking up the hills to get on was so scary cuz I knew I couldn't chicken out in front of my 13 year old and her friend. The higher I climbed the more I felt a little bit of that panicky feeling swelling up. I breathed and talkied myself down. I got on the raft and away I went, down and around the water slides like a kid! It felt fantastic! I went again and again. It was sunny and hot, perfect day for it and I was proud of myself for facing fear again.

I also have a job now....yup, really. I am working at an open air produce market, (perfect job for a healthfood nut like me huh?) I wait on customers, 187 of them alone on thursday, I bag cherries, beans, potatoes and onions. I take money and answer lots of calls. I make signs, beautiful signs I might add, and I chat with people about all kinds of good stuff. It is a wonderful break from straight benzo talk for so long and I am really enjoying it tremendously. It wasn't that long ago when the pain in my legs was so awful I could hardly walk. Now, I stand for 8 straight hours!!!! My back is strong again too, and the more watermelons I carry, the stronger it gets!

I am heading for age 46 and I look as great as I feel, maybe even better :) I nearly lost hope more than once during my nightmare, believe me. So, this note is for those of you who might be loosing it now. Hang in there and take good care of yourselves and one day, in God's time you too will recover and live to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEE of benzo's!!! It's better than I ever dreamed it could be and I was as sick as anyone.

Saying prayers for you all and sending love too,

Cindy S.

benzo sufferer 19 years, fully recovered for 2 & 1/2, united in spirit with all other benzo victims.