From: <janeo@xxxxxx.xxxx

Date: Wed Jan 12, 2000 6:18 am

Subject: One year today...

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted for awhile because I haven't been feeling well. Don't know whether it's wd or not but I have been taking Echinacea for the immune system. So far, no flu. Anxiety is back but that could be due to the job hunt. Anyway, today is one year free of xanax for me! One year ago today, I was so ill and in such incredible pain that I wanted to die. I look back on that with astonishment. It's hard to remember how awful it was.

I was on about 10 different drugs and that morning, I just could not put another pill in my mouth. So, I picked up the phone and called my doctor and told him I could not take another pill, no matter what. By 3:30 that afternoon, I was in the hospital with no more xanax. I did have to swallow more pills but I knew that they were temporary and that I would never have to take another benzodiazepine. "I was so sick I wanted to die..." It seems almost surreal now.

Today, I am so happy to be alive. I am happy everyday to see my children and grandchildren (3 baby boys) and to do everyday things. I am happy to sell cookies at a store in the mall and happy for everyday worries and aches and pains. It's all so doable now. For some reason, nothing seems too overwhelming anymore. I'm stronger than I ever imagined and I can handle life without the blunting effect of pills. Some victory, huh? We are all of us stronger than we ever imagined. We're alive.

Have a great day everyone!

Jane in Salt Lake

One year free of xanax