Date: Fri May 12, 2000 4:06 am

Subject: Celebration

Hi friends

I have been feeling very modest about my 10 months achievement, then I thought about it and realised that every day off the poison is a celebration, and that I need to give myself a generous round of applause. I am looking forward to the 12th of July as that will be the 1 year marker.

Complementing myself is not something that I do easily but I am trying to.

Because I cannot financially afford it, and because I am PARANOID about medication now, I have taken NOTHING extra or different, no acupuncture, no chiropractor, no specialist doctors, NOTHING, and I have reached the 10 months mark....so you can too. I honestly think that these "extras" are a waste of money and in some cases cause disappointment and anxiety. People get disappointed because the expected relief didnt happen, or they get anxious about "how sick" they really are because the "cure" didnt work. Who knows of a cure for "brain damage" that can be bought over a counter.

When I was nursing the only cure for "brain damage" was time, and I would suggest to you that Time is still the best healer. You cant buy time at the pharmacy or at the doctor or anywhere else for that matter, but you can MAKE time for your healing and health.

Time is the best healer assisted by what food yuo eat and the water you drink.

I am noticing that I can extend my foods now and not get withdrawal from it....still have to be VERy careful but I am now able to gradually add previously "forbidden" foods and most of the time it is OK.

If I had any advice to give it would be "Let Time Pass" when in the throes of the dreadful anxiety and panic caused by abstinence of benzos. Print those words out and paste them somewhere, also remind yourself that "this is not dangerous"..."this is withdrawal". This is what the body NEEDS to do to heal.

DRINK lots and lots of clean, fresh water. Buy a hot pack, hot water bottle or whatever, this helps the "cramping" pain. Learn to meditate or do your version of relaxation. Get some lavendar oil and give yourself a light rub on the painful areas.

Accept what is happening to you. For most of us this will be withdrawal, and trying to find anothr explanation or diagnosis is lying to yourself.

Be sensible, go to the doctor if you are particularly troubled by chest pain or other such things. Being tough does not equal being stupid.

Find your own picture or poster of a peaceful scene and stare at it until it is imprinted in your brain. When you need to recall that scene do it....let the intrusive thoughts wander in and out (as they will) but concentrate on the visual image of the peace. I dont care where you find your serentiy or bief moments of relief, but you do need to find them.

Recovery is made up of many brief moments of excruciting agony, drop dead fatigue, soul piercing insomnia, horrendous anxiety & panic, nightmares, hallucinations...but it is recovery ....recovery is also based on many, many, tears and fears and TOTALLY based on ABSTINENCE. Without abstinence ther can be no recovery.

Give yourself a chance to be well....there is no "quick fix"...accept that reality and prepare for and commit to a long haul...it will turn you inside out and upside down and then some....but you will be left with such an appreciation of the wonders of the world, and an appreciation of yourself.

As I look around Autralia today, I am noticing the beautiful green of the trees, the healing colours of nature are in the sky, in the rainbows, the flowers, the smile of a child, the smell of the ocean....dont rob yourself of the opportunity to be with the world again.

I am so fully aware of your pain and angst....been there done that....you can only do this for yourself....remember you cant change the world....only yourself.

Love toyou all

Kathy, Australia

10 months off today