From: "kaysims77904" <kaysims77904@yahoo.com>

Date: Tue Nov 5, 2002 1:54 pm

Subject: my story

Hi group!!

Just thought I would post my story to encourage those in the

horrendous journey of life without benzos.

I was on 6 mgs of xanax (equivalent to 120 mgs of valium) for about 3

years and getting sicker and sicker. I was going to doctors all over

the country and finally Mayo recognized my problem. I went to Mayo

to get off of xanax and they did it in about 2 weeks. I thought my

life would be better then. WRONG!!!! They sent me home on neurontin

3200 mgs a day and the wds hit.

I had every symptom listed and it was horrifying. If it wasn't for

this board and another one I would have been at every doctor's door.

I realized from you all that it was time and God's strength that was

going to get me through this and I live to survive each moment in

each day.

The first 4 months I could not function in any respect and then

things started to slowly heal. I did not have any windows of

normalcy in my first 14 months of wds. My symptoms were always there

but in varying degrees. I remember how disappointed I was at my 1

year anniversary because life was still tough.

The second year found some short windows of normalcy but most the

symptoms were tenacious. I am now 2 years off. I had major

emergency abdominal surgery at 22 months off and it went well. I

requested no versed and due to toradol was able to keep my use of

morphine low.

At the 2 year mark I am so glad I hung in there and am benzo free. I

still have some symptoms (mainly innsomnia) but the good days are

getting more and more frequent. I am able to have a diet coke now

whereas in my first year caffeine just aggravated wds. I have a part

time job now and before I had to quit while on xanax because of

fatigue. I remember when I was admitted to Mayo that they found out

I couldn't do simple math problems!!!!

I have found time is the only healer. I started tapering off

neurontin at 7 months and had trouble with that. I can't say that

neurontin was helpful or not. I went through hell even though I was

on a high dose of it.

Hang in there group. It feels like it will never end but it does and

the suffering is worth going through to live a life without it. I

have not had a panic attack in over a year and those were

horrendous!!! I could expound on each symptom but I am not going to

because praise God they are history.

Good advice is given on this board. If there was a miracle drug to

help believe me this board would know about it. Grit it out and let

time heal the poor ole brain that has been damaged and life will be

good again. Yes you will smile and enjoy life again!!

Kay