Date: Tue Mar 7, 2000 7:41 am

Subject: Soon you will be stronger than the benzo monster within.....

Good Morning All,

I have so many posts so I'll try to respond here and others later. Kathleen, your plan sounds wonderful. There was an article about a woman Denise sent me on Xanax. It was the worst case I had ever read. She was finally put on the same plan as what is being suggested to you. She had stroke like symptoms, lost all use of her left side was in institutions until her money ran out. Finally, slow tapered, holistic approach, and exercise moderately and all her body functions were returning slowly. Much luck, you have been through so much yet still never give up. You are an inspirations to all here.

I want you to know that from day one I had the burning and tremors all through my body. Some speak of tingling and other sensations. Mine was a feeling of wetness and dripping off my legs and hairline yet I was very dry. I never sweat through this whole withdrawal. Only recently do my eyes water, still no sweat but I'm sure that will return. My feelings of having MS were so severe as I could not walk up a flight of stairs for month my body felt like I had mud in my veins, they were also like jelly, extreme tremors. The scared me so very much. It took a little over a year for these symptoms to leave me.

If I had listened to my Dr. I would still be on a double dose of ativan thinking all these symptoms were all in my head. Sorry. Dead wrong. The only thing that helped me and this is only once off the benzos was valerian. It helped with the burning, tremors and sleep. But I am very leary of any pill, herbs, drugs anything. But after the tapering I got very ill for one more month after stopping ativan. The valerian and rescue remedy were a life saver. I've only had to take it probably 3 times the past 2 months.

Jayne, I had so many eye problems, itching, dry, very puffy. I was given the ok by Denise's Dr. Bob to take Allegra. It did help me at the time and then I stopped and have been well since. I do think again it is time that heals. My ativan pills were .5 mg and I could not cut them with a knife. I used my two thumb nails and popped them into fourths. At the end I did cut that with a razor and it was just powder on my tongue for a week before I stopped.

My system is very sensitive to even caffeine. I was lucky in that buspar, zolof, welbuterin, klonipin, and many more my Dr. tried to get me to take all gave me extra heart beats. He also gave me siniquan and if I had gotten worse I would have taken that but at the time I was too afraid. Plus, yes I was scared to death, worried constantly, panic attacks etc. but I was never really depressed. Then angry and it's very good to get angry it gave me such strength to beat this, the Doc's and anyone else that said my problems were not due to benzos. Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to address all the letters I've received.

Don't look at yesterday it's gone, don't look at tomorrow it's the future. Look at today, the present, that's all we have. All we can deal with. Get off your benzo, slowly, baby steps. And once off very slowly you will heal. Believe that will all your heart and soul.

Love and prayers to you all,

Sheila