From: the4kerns@aol.com

Date: Wed Jan 23, 2002 5:56 pm

Subject: My proffesional help

Hi Friends,

It's a wonder any of us get better with the type of professional help out there. I remember going to an addiction doctor only weeks off the meds and being told that this would be over in weeks and I needed to come to her stupid meetings 4 nights a week to fix things. I felt like a freak when I could not attend. I was too sick to sit still for that long or deal with my panic, palpitations and unreality. She was in the addiction field for over 30 years and she failed me.

I remember another shrink telling me he couldn't help me if I didn't take my meds. Did he realize I was there BECAUSE of the damage the meds did? I think not. He failed me too. I fired that guy. Then there was that doctor in the hospital who cold turkeyed me and all the time telling me this would only be a matter of weeks- possibly a month untill I was back in the swing of things. He sent me home with Remeron that gave me terrible visual disturbances at night and made me have hallucinations in my sleep. He failed me big time.

I can't forget my G.P. doctor who subscribed me all kinds of wonderfull drugs to cure my withdrawal. Not one worked and most of the time made matters worse and slowed my healing. Not once did he acknowledge that what I had was benzo withdrawal. Never did he want to see me again and basically left me on my own. Now that was a favor!! There are other proffesionals I talked to on the phone and through e-mails that doubted me. Most thought I had some kind of disorder and needed anti depressants. I was NEVER a depressed person before benzo withdrawal, so how did that magically appear?

In fairness, I must say that the nurses in the hospital were fairly knowledgeable and hinted that this was a tough one. I don't understand why they knew but the docs said nothing. They told me that possibly I didn't belong in the hospital and possibly this could take a long time. I also met a therapist at about a year off who told me that the healing from benzos is a long ordeal and it takes time for your receptors and CNS to heal. He totally believed that I could still be still healing at a year off the pills.

The truth was found here for me and through all the people that I've had the pleasure of corresponding with. What would have happened to me without the group and my benzo friends? I assume I would be on some drug coctail thinking I was some kind of lunatic. I don't know if I'd be working today. I don't think I would be married anymore. So most likely my fears would have come true with all that proffesional help.

Thanks for listening to my vent today. I'm actually feeling very good at 17 months off but concerned for others who could get themselves into more trouble looking for answers from proffesionals who haven't a clue. I do realize there are some good ones out there, but I've never met many around here who knows benzo withdrawal.

Time heals,

Tom